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![Men v. Women: Whose friendships last longer (and why?)
Read:
• “Fighting for our Friendships” by daniellebayardjackson
• “Girl Talk” by jacquelineemroz
• “The Social Sex: The History of Women’s Friendships” by Marilyn Yalom
• Research studies from ucla Center for Friendship Research
——————
Note: After nearly 8 years of posting online, I finally got one of those tiny mics. Prepare to be sick of me.]()
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2025-09-18 02:46:54
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![Part 2: HOW TO HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS
In this video, you will learn how to leverage conversations for future interactions.
Methods used:
• “engaging “reciprocal liking”
• “conversation funnels”
You don’t wanna admit that you are platonically interested in someone, but how else would they know? And how else would you get to the next stage of getting to know one another?
I hope this video helps.
————————————————-
Note: This video is only a small piece of what I have included in a guide to help you have better conversations.
You can grab it now at the link in my stories!
—————-
And yes, for those who are inquiring, I teach women’s connection strategies like this on a larger scale through:
• keynotes
• workshops
• media interviews
Don’t be scared— make the ask!
My team’s waiting on your email: samantha@tellpublicrelations.com.]()
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2025-09-16 22:06:32
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![HOW TO HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS
Part 1: Initiating conversations with the “S.E.E.Q.” Method
——————————
I’ve been shying away from posting about this subject because the ability to have good conversations is only ONE aspect of our overall relational health…but it’s an important part.
Because friendship begins with rapport, and rapport begins with “hello”.
So join me for a four-part series designed to help you have better conversations.
In part one, I’m sharing the S.E.E.Q. method to help you initiate conversations with (literally) anyone.
NOTE: If this video moves too fast (because Instagram only pushes out videos that are under three minutes, so I had to speak even more quickly) here’s what you can do:
Go to my stories for a link and I’ll give you this information as a guide (with more details and examples).
Because as we enter the fall season, people are interacting way more…
And you need to be ready.
I got you.
——-
Part 2 drops on Sunday night!]()
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2025-09-10 22:56:02
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![Every time I’m called to play my role as the unofficial resident friendship expert on the tamronhallshow, it’s a great time.
The team is so friendly, the energy is HIGH, and tamronhall is truly such a girl’s girl.
Congratulations, team, on entering your SEVENTH season. What a feat! Keep bringing us segments that are fresh, timely, and responsive to the questions that we are too afraid to ask.
Cheers! ✨]()
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2025-09-09 19:23:06
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![Don’t be fooled by #RushTok…
Those shiny dance videos are cute, but once recruitment is over, the leadership teams from those organizations are calling me in to give the girls a reality check.
Here's why:
Whether it’s collegiate sorority members or an adult women’s organization, many women join female-dominated spaces with hopes of finding hundreds of best friends.
But that’s not how it works.
And for the women in leadership: You’d better do what you can to manage expectations or else it will impact member retention.
I am so proud of women’s organizations that are willing to invest in rigorous programming to train their girls about the science of women’s conflict and connection in an effort to not only help them have a good membership experience, but to equip them with skills they’ll need throughout their lives!
Because the research shows that 70% of a woman’s network is made up of other women.
So we might as well figure out how we can best connect with one another.
And that includes being able to:
- regulate our emotions
- differentiate between healthy and unhealthy conflict
- understanding what the research says about how women fight (and how to stand up to it)
- form quality platonic, values-aligned friendships
—————————---------
I’m so impressed by what BOTH NPC and NPHC (including D9) are doing behind the scenes of those shiny viral marketing videos to get their members ready to be healthy leaders with strong minds and strong relationships.
May the rest of us follow suit!
-------------------------------
Shout-out to olemiss for bringing me in to teach members from this historic recruitment.
Shout-out to other women like hersororityjourney who are also dedicated to offering this kind of support to colleges across the country.]()
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2025-09-08 03:41:32
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![5 ways to find time for friends using my “Subtraction Method” ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
So much of the advice on friend-making in adulthood leaves people feeling like they have to do more:
• Spend more money
• Attend more events
• Be more extroverted
• Join more clubs
And while these are certainly effective practices, it can lead to people feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to do more.
But over the last seven years of coaching women through better relational health, I’ve have found that they are able to gain more time for friend-making and friend maintenance by doing less.
Feel free to use what I call the subtraction method to instantly gain more hours in your week for friendship and connection.
—————
(BONUS✨ For THREE additional subtraction method tactics tune into an upcoming episode of the friendforward podcast, rated by todayshow as one of the top podcasts for women. 😉)]()
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2025-08-28 00:32:42
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![Just give me ten minutes to change your mind.]()
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2025-08-20 22:16:03
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![For the woman who feels like a FRAUD because she actually has to TRY in her friendships…
There are lots of (relational) things you might have to practice in adulthood that you assumed would come naturally:
• finding strategies to meet new people
• practicing ways to be more vulnerable in your friendship so you can access a new level of depth and intimacy
• memorizing a few scripts to help you navigate hard conversations with people you love without flipping out or shutting down
• researching ways to release unhealthy friendships with grace
Let’s be honest: These things might NOT come naturally.
But the journey of intentionally practicing them is not the same as being “disingenuous”. 
Stay encouraged.
Just because something is not coming to you easily and requires you to approach with strategy and intention is not a sign that you should not be pursuing it at all.
Shout out to people who are realizing that the natural way they were doing things was unproductive, dysfunctional, or unhealthy.
Thank God that with a little practice we can unlearn behaviors that did not serve us well and step into new friendships with new perspectives and as better versions of our former ourselves.]()
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2025-08-18 23:53:00
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![I say this with love:
You know all that research that says that people who have strong friendships are happier and they live longer?
Well, it’s true.
✨BUT✨
One thing those headlines are overlooking is that the actual research they’re referring to uses the phrase “perceived social support”.
And people who PERCEIVE strong social support are the ones reaping the benefits of well-being and longevity.
Speaking frankly, I have noticed that some women have a history of being perpetually dissatisfied in their relationships and it’s not always the result of befriending awful people.
The issue starts in their mind.
If they:
• Have experienced severe trauma
• Have adopted unrealistic expectations of friendship
• Have low self-esteem or sense of self-worth
• Have distorted ideas of connection
• Have anxiety
This WILL color their EXPERIENCE of friendship, and whether or not they PERCEIVE their relationships as quality.
And that’s too bad…
Because it’s having QUALITY relationships that extends our lives and brings us joy.
So for some of us, the issue isn’t making more friends or finding the “right people”….
It’s renewing our minds.
Just sayin’.]()
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2025-08-14 00:20:45
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![*New series*
Every Tuesday, I’m hosting “Girl Problems”, a live, 12-hour Q&A series on Instagram stories.
Today we answered nearly a dozen questions with research, links to resources, and even some community-driven insights.
I receive so many questions in my DM‘s and — aside from producing and hosting my weekly podcast friendforward — this is a way that I can interact and respond to some of your most pressing issues (for free 😉).
Here’s how it will work:
1. The call for questions goes up at 8am EST.
2. I’ll try to do my best to select questions that hit on a variety of issues.
3. My responses will always be evidence-based and / or proven by client success.
4. The session will end at 8pm EST.
5. I’ll pull some of the questions from our day and post them to the feed for us to continue to discuss in the comments.
Yep, just some good old evidence-based, human-powered, real-life insights from a trained educator who studies women’s cooperation for a living that you can’t get from your favorite “language learning model”, m’kay?
————
Have you had any experiences with the issues presented in this week’s post? Do you have advice for the women who submitted the questions? Let me know in the comments.
And thanks for hanging out with me today!
See you next week. 🤍]()
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2025-08-13 06:26:13
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![BOOKS YOU SHOULDN’T BRING ON YOUR GIRLS TRIP
It’s important to be physically, mentally, and emotionally available when you’re on a trip with your girls.
Therefore, I recommend you avoid bringing any of these specific titles along with you.
But if you're looking for serious page-turners to enjoy in the privacy of your own home, I couldn’t recommend these books more.
———-
Note: I forgot to include “Demon Copperhead” by barbara.kingsolver ! Leave that book at home, girl!]()
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2025-08-07 22:01:09
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![Hot take: Spending time with friends as an adult should be MORE than a series of catch-up calls every other month.
Even though I believe in connecting ANY way that you can, I want to encourage us to find time to really settle in and do life alongside our people— not just “self-reporting” every few weeks.
I don’t know about you, but with quick “catch-ups”, sometimes I feel like we’re just skimming the headlines of each other’s lives.
So this weekend, my friends and I decided to have an impromptu “staycation” at moxystpete because we wanted to be in a space where we didn’t have to leave the hotel.
So we had uninterrupted “yapping”:
• In their (gorgeous) lobby
• In their (super soft) beds
• At the (very cute) pool
• Near their (trendy) coffe bar, Rose’s
• In their (elevated) rooftop restaurant /club sparrowrooftop.stpete
Being able to really settle in (without needing to rush home afterwards) allowed me to share with more nuance.
It also gave us space to let the conversation breathe and genuinely lead to new discoveries, inside jokes, and emotional moments of connection.
And even though we sometimes have to put things on hold because of work, family obligations, and the ongoing responsibilities of adult life, whenever we can make the time to get together, it’s always, always worth it.
GROWN-UP SLEEPOVERS FOR THE WIN!]()
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2025-08-04 22:28:51
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![I mean, is this a safe space? Because I kinda wanna hear your “irrational irritations”, too!
Note: Anger about genuine injustice, genocide, human rights, or things like xenophobia, etc is not irrational… it’s actually very, very reasonable.
I’m looking for small, inconsequential things that raise your blood pressure. Because sometimes you just need to vent.]()
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2025-08-01 23:51:09
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![Wait, so THIS just happened….
I’m thrilled to speak at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women (pennwomen) on September 25.
Like, do you understand that 12 years ago I was a BROKE high school teacher who was grading papers for hours a week and waitressing over the summers to make ends meet and pay back my student loans?
And now, I’m still teaching, but it just looks a little different than before. I’m so grateful to get to travel to do what I love alongside powerhouse women.
I’m just a regular, degular girl living the dream.
So, listen, Philly friends: If you’re serious about personal and professional growth, this is an event that is NO FLUFF. We’re here to educate, equip, and inspire.
I’m honored to share the stage with women of such excellence, and the only thing that would make this better is seeing your face in the place.
LETS GOOOOO! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
————————————————
Thank you, conferencesforwomen, for this opportunity.]()
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2025-07-30 20:10:48
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![To the woman who recently laughed at me during a dinner party: This is for you.
Listen, I’ve got thick skin.
I’ve been through a couple things in life that have made me pretty resilient and taught me how to not take things so personally.
But since becoming a women’s relational health educator, I’ve been laughed at to my face three times.
I know this has nothing to do with me. Instead, it has everything to do with our collective attitude towards female friendship.
Now, I get it: This is a relatively new “soft science” (a term originally designed to differentiate between female-dominated fields of study from men’s.)
And if you secretly believe that platonic relationships “aren’t that serious”, then of course you’re going to struggle to see the significance of the work that I do (alongside other connection experts who are sharing important research that shows people how to enjoy more satisfying friendships).
But research from Harvard finds that the number one thing that impacts our overall health and happiness is the quality of our relationships.
Therefore, those who need guidance of how to tangibly enhance the quality of their relationships with other women (which is necessary when 70% of a woman’s network is made up of other women), this work becomes really critical.
So, if you’ve ever wondered how I spend my day, here it is. Hope it helps. 🤍]()
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2025-07-29 03:26:49
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![Things that make me fall in love with strangers:
Listening to them talk about their favorite books.
——————————————————-
Last Christmas, I hosted a book-ish themed holiday party and asked every guest to bring a book to talk about and then trade books with another guest.
It was a hit.
So I reached out to sagecoterie and hotelhaya about partnering to bring this event to life again, and again, it was really special.
People from different parts of Tampa came to share about a book that has had a significant impact on their lives, and I listened as they shared about their parents, their dreams, their spiritual beliefs, and their struggles … and it was beautiful.
There were nurses, teachers, historians, (soon-to-be) therapists and people with unique stories and backgrounds and it FILLED MY CUP.
There were other elements of the event that made it especially powerful, but I can’t share them on social media. You just had to be there. 😉
Thank you to everyone who attended today’s “Book Swap with Heart”. (If you want to come to the next one, DM me with your email address.)
And huge thanks to Gabi of sagecoterie and rachagainsttheemachine for co-hosting this event with me!]()
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2025-07-28 05:08:35
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![POV: You’re being onboarded as a new member of the “Female Friendship First” club after your breakup with a man]()
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2025-07-23 18:56:46
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2025-07-16 22:21:12
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![Here are 5 light topics to share with people you see often but aren’t really close to ⬇️⬇️⬇️
1. “Anything on your summer bucket list you’re tryna do before the season’s over?”
2. “You’re a big reader, right? I just finished a really good book and need recommendations for my next read. Any suggestions?”
3. “This is random, but every time I see something about [ co-worker’s interest/ obsession/ thing they’re known for], I think of you. How’s that going, by the way?”
4. “Did you see the email about [company update that people might have different opinions on]? What are your thoughts?”
5. “I’m reading this book called ‘On Tyranny’ and the author suggests that one way to resist is to pick one aspect of the country’s demise that you’re most passionate about, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed by all the work there is to do to fight this administration’s quick descent into fascism. I’m really focused on education, as a former teacher, but I’m also really worked up about the way they’re literally kidnapping people off of the streets. So I’m leaning into advocacy on student literacy and reading censorship and immigrants’ rights. What about you? Funding for climate relief efforts? Calling your senator to voice your concerns about cuts to NOAA? Or, wait, you have a side hustle, right? So, maybe tariffs? Reproductive rights? Which one speaks to you?”
Happy Monday.]()
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2025-07-15 19:18:09
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![I understand the collective aversion to “small talk”, BUT I’m here to make the case for why it might just be the prerequisite to the kind of community we claim to crave.
These are the kinds of conversations that I having with clients in our one-on-ones and more broadly on stages when I’m hired as a speaker.
It’s my job to connect the dots between women’s conflict + communication research, cultural trends, and shared visions of the future of community.
If you’re into these conversations , be sure to follow the friendforward podcast.
And if you’re in to having these conversations with broader audiences, you can still book me to speak at your Fall event: samantha@tellpublicrelations.com.
———————
In the meantime, tell me:
What do you love/ hate most about small talk?
⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️]()
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2025-07-08 21:42:09
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![For women in midlife: Here are three things that determine how satisfied you’ll feel with your life ⬆️
Note: If you like my work, you’ll love annagoldfarb’s book “Modern Friendship” 🤍]()
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2025-07-01 06:47:08
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![How reading helps me form friendships:
Reading has always been a big part of who I am — from my young “Book It” days to my time as an English teacher leading what I thought were “Dead Poets Society” level lectures.
We often hear about the emotional and cognitive benefits of reading, but I don’t hear enough about the relational ones.
So here are 4 ways reading has helped me build friendships and connections:
1. It helps me connect deeply with strangers.
Book clubs are filled with women sharing more than just opinions. They are sharing their worldviews, experiences, and emotions as we analyze characters and plot lines. I have found that it helps me create quick, but meaningful connections with strangers.
2. It serves as a built-in conversation starter.
I can’t tell you how many times holding a book has led to people asking me, “What are you reading?” and it sparks a really good conversation.
3. It provides unexpected common ground.
Since I read a lot of different genres and topics, I have this mental library to pull from, so even when I’m talking to people I have little in common with, there’s usually SOMETHING in my brain that I can pull to connect over.
4. It helps to deepen my friendships.
I once read this Yale study that found that pleasurable experiences are even MORE pleasurable when they’re shared with other people. So I have literally asked friends to read with me, and I found that it not only helps me to enjoy reading more, but it also creates a nice little experience and shared memory that works to bond us more as friends.
———————————
I believe so deeply in the power of reading to connect women to each other. That’s why I’m hosting an event on July 27 at the lovely hotelhaya in downtown Tampa with sagecoterie (taking place in the room featured in the first picture of this post!)
It’s a book swap with heart, and I feel really confident that it will be an experience you’ve never had before.
Link in sagecoterie bio!
📸: the_gadabouts_captures]()
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2025-06-27 23:52:36
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![✨38✨
Every year on my birthday, I think about the short story “Eleven” by officialsandracisneros .
It was one of my favorite pieces to work through with students when I was a high school teacher.
And it captures how I feel about “arriving” at a new age.
Here’s an excerpt:
What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.
Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.
Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is. You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don’t even feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.
—————-
Wish I had words of wisdom, but this year, all I’ve got is this:
Turning 38.
Feeling like 11.
And grateful for another year.
📸: the_gadabouts_captures]()
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2025-06-25 19:20:41
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![Here’s why:
I want YOU.
Even if your response to me is clunky.
Awkward.
Off-base.
Inadequate.
A little incomprehensible.
It’s real.
I’m putting the finishing touches on an episode of friendforward about the ways in which ChatGPT is harming your social relationships.
It’s filled with TONS of research.
In the meantime, I want to encourage you not to outsource your friendships. If you are turning to ChatGPT to help you craft messages to friends, I understand:
• You might lack confidence in the clarity of your thoughts.
• You might be insecure about whether the response is good enough.
• You might struggle with feeling your feelings.
• You might feel mentally fatigued.
• There’s a risk that your friend might be disappointed or unsatisfied with your response.
I get it.
But I assure you, it’s best to respond as you.
(Subscribe to Friend Forward to hear 8 questions you should ask yourself to evaluate whether or not your relationship with ChatGPT is harming your relationships.)]()
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![How I’m doing:
One challenge I’ve faced over the past two years is anxiety over all the things that could possibly threaten my safety.
To be honest, it started when I had kids. I’d have vivid dreams about drowning and kidnapping and choking and falls, and it was reassuring to hear other parents say they felt the same way when they brought their babies home.
But I thought it would get better.
I’ve recently struggled to strike the balance between staying informed and growing anxious with every new development.
Finding peace for me is WORK. I meditate on scriptures and pray and talk to friends… but I sometimes struggle when it feels like everyone else either:
1. Is able to be okay because they don’t tune into what’s happening
Or
2. Are more naturally peaceful people, something I long to be
I recently heard a sermon at greenhousetpa about how God might not change our circumstances but He can help us change the “soundtrack” that plays during our troubling times.
He’s able to offer a soundtrack of peace in the place of our soundtrack of fear and horror.
And reading “Cry of the Soul: How our emotions reveal our deepest questions about God” has been a game-changer.
In it, the authors write:
“Fear is our response to uncertainty about our resources in the face of danger. Fear is provoked when the threat of danger exposes our inability to preserve what we most deeply cherish.”
Learning more about God helps me to remember my “resources” in the face of danger, and that’s been a helpful mental shift.
In the meantime, I’m working to channel the fear into action— justice work and advocacy with friends and in my community— instead of allowing it to immobilize me.
I want it to be something that activates my faith, not something that invalidates it.
For me— in this season— peace is work.
Reading about it.
Praying for it.
Talking to professionals (soon. And shout-out to friends who gently remind me to book that appointment).
So.
I offer this to those who are diligently seeking God as the King of Peace in the midst of chaos.
Pray for me as I pray for you. (Philippians 4:6-7)]()
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On average, Female Friendship Coach Educator gets 3.5K likes and 94 comments per post. (Historical)
